Title: A MAN LIKE ME ( A noteography of a Father To His Son)

Author: ‘Debayo Coker

Pages: 153 pages

Published: April, 2014

Reviewer: Olutayo Irantiola

There comes a time in a young man’s life when he ascertains his manliness when he gives birth to a child after marriage. As Africans, a man is incredibly proud when he has a son. This led to the foray of ‘Debayo’s writing as a father to his son. The 153 page book is about an expectant father who went on an “adrenaline flight”. His desire was to write a short note on social media pages but the flow culminated into a collection of notes.

Although Debayo calls it a note, I see it as a letter. Each note ends in a sign-off. As he wrote in the book, Debayo’s first son was born in 2014, and he wrote this book in a futuristic manner; this book has all the desires of a father for his son.

Many instructional advices are essential for living, including continuity of family traditions. Debayo wants his son to teach his children what he has been taught by previous generations. He states, “My mother was a very positive influence on me. I wish you had met her, but don’t worry; I will teach you all she taught me.”

Unfortunately, his wife too had lost her father, but from her account written by ‘Debayo, “my PD could not stop telling the story of how her father would come pick her from school, bare her on his shoulders and talked with her as they walked back to his office… I love that act and since your maternal granddad is no more around to do that for you I will be helping him out” page 12.

Another piece of advice for the son is to put God ahead of all things. He mentioned this using biblical allusions in the book. Four Bible verses were mentioned: the parable of the talents, wealth that develops wings, the story of Joseph, Pharaoh, Saul, Nebchadnezzar, and Joshua-like courage.

 ‘Debayo encouraged his son to volunteer for the collective good of the community. This was through his involvement in Environmental sanitation in their locality, which takes place on the last Saturday of the month in some states in Nigeria. This is mentoring by example.

Respect for everyone is also advice for his son. Everyone has the trait of getting so full of one another, but with such advice, the son has been taught humility. This was illustrated in the story of Aunty Kore and Uncle Charles.

Every child must be taught about responsibility. ‘Debayo made his son know some areas in which he needs to be responsible: in his dressing, in his academic pursuit, in handling properties, with adults, and with humanity.

Parental discipline is crucial in the life of a child. ‘Debayo was able to portray that discipline goes beyond caning a child; he checked his son’s school bag to find an x-rated magazine there. He advised him against taking things from classmates. Similarly, he warned his son against unauthorised borrowing of books from his study; this will be sanctioned by purchasing the missing books from his pocket money.

Realities of life were shown in the book through wrong exposure, loss of jobs, disaster, sickness, drunkenness, suffering, psychiatric challenges, teenage pregnancies, premarital sex, rape of a daughter by her father, homosexuality in boarding schools and stealing of others’ items.

‘Debayo narrated a part of his growing up to his son, which shows the desire of a father that do not want his son to repeat the same mistakes that he committed while he was young. He, thus, laid bare his life before his son and got so close to him. The closeness helped his son to be free to tell his father everything about him. His father was able to detect his interest and helped him to pattern his life towards it.

The book is divided into chapters, and each topic is dealt with over time. However, it would have been expected that the chapters would become longer because the young man has matured beyond short notes. It would have been expected that the chapters would become longer from the time the young man got into Secondary school.

Although Debayo attempted to answer questions that would have been asked by his readers, the boy’s responses to his father’s notes are as follows: “In the meantime, I want to seek your permission to compile a compendium of your responses to the notes I have written to you so far.”

‘Debayo knows that writing in another language in a book, the work must be italicized and also have the tonal marks. Yoruba language is tonal; a single word can have different meanings, for a reader of Yoruba language. The tonal mark is very essential. These are the proverbs in the book:

i.                     Ile laa wo kato somo l’oruko-page 16.

ii.                   Ti omode bamo owo we oni lati ba agba jeun-page 103.

Likewise, there are a lot of Yoruba proverbs and sayings that would have embellished the book for global relationships.

Some of the missing gaps in the book also include details of the siblings, which are very sketchy, and the details of the son’s dating, when they met her parents and the eventual marriage. Every man feels greatly accomplished when his son is getting married; the son’s age at the time he got married is about 18 years old and the name of the granddaughter. However, this allows the reader to fill such gaps.

Despite all that has been said, this book is well crafted, direct and engaging. Every growing child should have this as a handbook to guide them in the journey of life. As a father, are you true to your son as 

 ‘Debayo made everything plain to his son? There are a lot of lessons to learn from this book, which transcends ethnicity or gender.